Welcome to accountantjokes.co.uk. The home of the world’s funniest jokes about the world’s most serious profession – accountancy!

We have the world’s large selection of jokes, cartoons, funny stories and one-liners about accountants, auditors, tax advisers and every satan’s spawn of financial professional.

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We are adding new jokes and cartoons daily so check back regularly for new jokes, cartoons, funny stories and one-liners.

One Liners:

Did you hear about the accountant who stayed up all night studying for his blood test?


What is the difference between an accountant and a computer?

You only have to punch the information into the computer once.


Did you hear the joke about the deaf accountant?

Neither has he.


An man walked into a bar and after ordering a a pint he was chatting to the barman. “Do you want to hear a funny joke about accountants?” he asked.

“I’m warning you,” said the barman, “I’m an accountant and and just working here today to help out my friend who is short of staff.

“That’s all right,” said the man. “I’ll tell it slowly.”


An accountant rang British Airways and asked how long it would take to fly from London to New York.

“Just a minute, sir,” said the voice on the other end of the line.

“Thank you very much,” said the accountant and hung up


Funny Stories:

Walking through the woods an accountant bumped into a fairy who said she would grant him one wish. “I want to live forever,” said the accountant. “Sorry,” said the fairy. “I can’t grant wishes like that.” “Ok,” said the accountant. “I want to live long enough to hear the Prime…

An accountant was staying with a friend and said, “Is their anything I can do to help?” “Yes,” said the friend. “Nip to the shop and get a four pinter of milk. If they have any eggs, get half a dozen.” Half an hour later the accountant returns to his…

Two accountants were riding their bikes across town when one said to the other: “That’s a great bike? Where did you get it?” The second accountant said, “Funny you should ask. I was walking through the park on my way home yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman…

Two accountants were helping their friend open a new shop. After working for a while stacking the shelves they decided to take a break.One accountant said to the other, “I bet we get some old fogey walk past, poke their head through the door and ask what we are selling.”No…


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