A man walked into a bar with an alligator on a lead.
“Do you serve accountants?” asked the man.
“Of course,” replied the barman.
“Great,” said the man, “I’ll have a pint of bitter and can I have an accountant for the alligator.”
Why did god make snakes before accountants?
He needed to get his eye in.
The accountant was stopped by the police while driving his car.
“Can I see your licence please, Sir?” asked the officer.
“I wish you would make your mind up. When your colleague pulled me over yesterday he took my licence off me. Now here you are asking me to you show it to you!”
What do you call an accountant who scores well in an IQ test?
Why do accountants dislike M&M’s?
They’re too hard to peel.
Did you hear about the accountant who stayed up all night studying for his blood test?
What is the difference between an accountant and a computer?
You only have to punch the information into the computer once.
Did you hear the joke about the deaf accountant?
Neither has he.
An man walked into a bar and after ordering a a pint he was chatting to the barman. “Do you want to hear a funny joke about accountants?” he asked.
“I’m warning you,” said the barman, “I’m an accountant and and just working here today to help out my friend who is short of staff.
“That’s all right,” said the man. “I’ll tell it slowly.”
An accountant rang British Airways and asked how long it would take to fly from London to New York.
“Just a minute, sir,” said the voice on the other end of the line.
“Thank you very much,” said the accountant and hung up
What do you call 100 accountants at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.