Welcome to accountantjokes.co.uk. The home of the world’s funniest jokes about the world’s most serious profession – accountancy!

We have the world’s large selection of jokes, cartoons, funny stories and one-liners about accountants, auditors, tax advisers and every satan’s spawn of financial professional.

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We are adding new jokes and cartoons daily so check back regularly for new jokes, cartoons, funny stories and one-liners.

One Liners:

What do you call an accountant who scores well in an IQ test?

A cheat.


Why do accountants dislike M&M’s?

They’re too hard to peel.


Did you hear about the accountant who stayed up all night studying for his blood test?


What is the difference between an accountant and a computer?

You only have to punch the information into the computer once.


Did you hear the joke about the deaf accountant?

Neither has he.

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Funny Stories:

The accountant was sitting in a posh restaurant with his wife when she looked over at a nearby table where a very drunk man was ordering more drinks. “Do you know him?” asked the accountant. “That’s the third time you’ve looked over at that table.” “Yes,” replied his wife. “He’s…

The accountant was sitting in his local pub having a drink and watching the 10 o’clock news on the TV behind the bar. There was a story on the news about a man stood on the roof of a building and threatening to jump off. The accountant turns to the…

An accountant walks into a pub and says to the landlord: “I bet you £200 I can pee into a glass on the top shelf behind you without spilling a drop. The landlord thinks for a moment and says “You’re on.” so the accountant drops his trousers and pees all…

An accountant received a parrot as a gift from a client, The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the birds mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. The accountant tried to change the birds attitude by saying only polite words, playing…

Walking through the woods an accountant bumped into a fairy who said she would grant him one wish. “I want to live forever,” said the accountant. “Sorry,” said the fairy. “I can’t grant wishes like that.” “Ok,” said the accountant. “I want to live long enough to hear the Prime…